Year End

It's the last day of the year and this is where things stand for me.

Just over 3 years ago I moved to Portland to leave LA and leave a job that was making me miserable. For the first 6 months I was here, my moods was up and down. I loved being here and suck, but the lack of work and purpose in my life took a toll on me too. I really felt I was spinning in place and not accomplishing anything. Then, I landed a job and started grad school. I was happy working again and meeting new people, and then school, again new people and new things to learn. But within months I was overwhelmed both physically and mentally. I stopped seeing friends and became a hermit. Work was 50+ hours a week and school work was what I could fit in. My weight went up and my moods became short and irritated. Worst of all was the over the over all stress. My social skills actually plummeted too. I couldn't tell you one thing that was actually stressing me, the job it self wasn't really hard, but the time was. School was too.

Over the next year, things had to change. I went from full time school to part time. I was promoted at work too. Then I witched jobs, from what that at times's bored me to one that interested me. Things began to settle down, 40 hour work weeks and part time school agreed with me and I could actually go and do things again. But I still tended to play the part of a hermit as my social skills were still rough and my moods never really flattened.

The year started out good, the company I worked for was finally finishing it's film and my work would start to peak. I spent months building a 40,000 digital picture archive and working on the crew's portfolios. I handled it and was ready for more. But things at work changed with new management and I found myself on the outside again. This November, I and 70 others were let go. I saw my part in this coming and for a while I hate to say and could feel my moods slip in to anger and depression too often. I was actually relieved when it happened. I wasn't happy and it was time to go, I ended up with a decent package and could go back to school full time again and be done with it.

So how do I feel now? I feel like I'm spinning my wheels again. School has actually been rather easy and I hate to say it boring too. I'm bored really easily these days. I feel like I want to be done and moving forward with my life too. This is feeling that most people I know are feeling here in Portland. So I know I'm not alone, I hear it from friends who have spent more then a year unemployed and are in a real bind in comparison to me. Honestly I know I have it much better then most, so I don't want to play to the pity train. Honestly there is far more deserving and needing here. On the other hand I down and out too. I want out of this, I actually now want out of Portland too.

OK, have a great new year and hopefully next year won't be so filled with all the crap that this year dumped on it.

Dear 47th Street Photo

Hi,

I am writing to you in response to the email I received from you today. IN that email, you indicated that the "Opteka XL Remote Release Cord for Canon" I purchased from you (November 28) via Amazon had been " delivered at 11:46 AM on December 21, 2009 in BROOKLYN, NY." Thank you for that update, but I have a few follow up questions to ask you.

First, while the item in question might have been delivered at 11:46 AM on December 21, 2009" I for one didn't receive it, nor will you find that I or anyone I know signed for said item. Which leads to question number two, who did in fact sign for this and better yet, why was the item I purchased sent to Brooklyn NY? I guess this also leads to question number three, why did it take 3 weeks to get there and why are you so late in getting back to me after I had sent 4 previous emails asking for an update? Obviously you could have told me back on December 21st. Also, since you should also have my invoice in front you by now, you might have noticed that I don't live in Brooklyn NY. I suspect that who ever you did send it too is either surprised or is very happy with their purchase.

Since I've already waited a month for an item I purchased and never received and really don't want wait another month for you to completely screw up my order again. Please take this email as cancellation of said order and I will lodging for a complete refund with Amazon since I never received my purchase. I hope you won't mind if I also fill out that how bad the service was with your company with Amazon as as well. I'd hate to find out that some I knew ordered anything with you and had to deal with complete incompetents. Unfortunately though, I'm sure you'll get over it.

Thanks,

Me.

Stupid

whiskey dick.

Ugg

Was woken up this morning at about 6am due to a muscle in my knee spazming.
This has been going on for the last two days, but not with this type of pain.
Ibuprofen and an ice pack late and it feeling better. But not down to normal.
Ugh

Semster Ends:

and it looks like I survived with two "A's". or an "A" and a "B".
Not sure yet one of the them though. Oddly enough I don't know if I learned very much from either class I hate to say. I could probably use rereading the Project Management book, but the Social Studies stuff bored the living hell out of me. No, really it did.

Two more classes for next semester. IN other updates:

I hope to hear more about the NYC job in the coming weeks. So maybe a trip out east at least for the interview. On the local work front, it's been rather slim. I think the only job I've applied for I might want is that one at the Art Museum, but I suspect I'm only nominally qualified. My knowledge of actual art history is mediocre if you ask me.

MySpace

I canceled my old account today.
It is no more, it as ceased to be (for me at least).
Do you think I'll miss it?

Qualified

It turns out that I'm not qualified enough for interview shelving books for the Beaverton Library! A friend indicated I should be donating some time first, before applying for any of these jobs. She's right I guess.

Control and Trust

I am currently, or should I say that my sisters and I are dealing with an aging parents who has issues. Many of these issues deal with control of her life. AS she ages, she has less and less control. Now add health issues into the mix and you have even more control issues beyond her or our control.
When it comes our mom, she can be frustrating, she's been emotionally hurt many times in her life that she can't trust those around her and needs to feel constantly in control. So right now, after her latest round of minor surgery she's feeling out of control and complete lack of trust with medical situation. Normally I feel like I'd continue to treat her like an adult here. It's her life and she should live it. But now it's threatening her health and we feel we seriously need to intervene.

Eating it up

I eat up documentaries. I've been eating up several BBC series, but right now I'm engrossed in 2007 documentary "The Devil Came on Horseback" which details a "A documentary that exposes the genocide raging in Darfur, Sudan as seen through the eyes of a former U.S. marine who returns home to make the story public (IMDB)." Rent it or stream if you can.

Pure Exhstion

Headed south this last weekend for the what is probably my last scooter rally of the year. Have to say, started it out on pure energy drinks and ended on the same. Mostly since me and sleep have been missing each other the entire time. Night before leaving, was in bed at 2am and had to be up at 7am. Not a great night. The ten hour of driving generally zaps the life out of one self, but everytime I drive between Grants Pass and Redding, 2-3 of lives go out the door. Thanks god for soda and energy drinks. Now one we were there, it was back to scotch and bourbon, add in a host who drinks more then that, and it's scooter wranglin time come the end of happy hour. Now mix in two dogs and night of nose cloggin sneezing and house of snores, and you can tell that 5 hours of sleep the night before was the best night's sleep I had.

I have got to say though, thank god for caffeine in very strong bounce against the walls amounts. Otherwise I would have never have made it. But after 5 days, I have the runs from all the sugar and had to spend last night completely clogged up to deal with the miss-use of nazelspray. Lovely, but I some how slept well in my own bed.

Thanks folks.

Round and Round

I played it all wrong.
I could blame it on a lot of things, but why bother.
Next please!

Thursday

I woke myself up early as I knew i had a very long day ahead of me. After breakfast I was back on the road traveling west to the coast again trying to retrace my steps the night before, this time though I'd make it the straights of something or another and the Pacific ocean. This was when the truck started to act funny, any real acceleration up hill was met with girgles and pauses in acceleration. Worst of all, I kept getting stuck behind people driving slowly. Any attempt to pass was met with a backfire. Once I reached the straights I tried cleaning the carborator. This helped, but not exactly either. It took nearly 2.5 hours of driving to reach the more NW part of continental USA. The hike was another 30 minutes each way, easy by any standard. The drive back to the 101 was uneventful, but around 2pm I had a cop pull in behind a group of us (6 cars) I was in the center, after 20 miles the two cars behind me had peeled away and I suddenly found myself with said cop car's lights a flashing. It turned out when we entered the village and I had braked to slow down (55 down to 35mph) he had noticed one of rear brake lights wasn't working. Um, thanks officer. No ticket. The rest of the ride was long, the truck acted OK and I was back in town by 10pm that night.
Uneventful.

Wednesday:

So I woke up around 7:30, but tossed and turned for another 30 minutes before getting up. A quick shower and off to the lodge for breakfast (included in the cost of the cabin), which consisted mostly protein (eggs, bacon, sausage) and fruit. I should hit the fruit a little harder tomorrow as it kind of heavy, even for me. Looking out at the pools, they were empty, so I ended up after breakfast doing a 5 mile hike up the canyon to the falls. It was drizzling rain when I started, but about 40% of the way into the hike up the canyon it started to really rain. And by really raining I mean pissing rain. By the time I got the falls, the trail had turned into a stream and my jacket and hat soaked threw. The hike back was nearly the same, except the sun came out just as turned into the parking lot. Great. So back to the cabin to change into the swimming suit and back to the pools to spend some time soaking my now aching body.

Guess what, the Russians were back and in force this time, taking up all three pools! I have a feeling they live in these pools and can’t exist out of them for more then a day or two. Actually it wasn’t so bad, the main heated pool was open and they were not migrating around it like the had the night before. I staked out my spot and was fine. When moved to the 104 deg pool it was nearly time for the main pool (100 deg) to be shut down. They literally filled the 104 deg pool at point. I think there were maybe 4 of us who were not part of that party and they slowly made their way out of the pool. I did polar swim at one point in the non heated pool once I was accustomed to the 104 pool. It was kind of nice being in 62 deg water. I did have to fight for a spot back in the 104 pool, but once I was back to being too used it, it was time to leave as my fingers were beginning to shrivel up. I booked some massage time too and am now back at my cabin waiting for that to happen.

Ok, let me take a moment here to say that reading the above, I’m making the Russians out to be kind of hidous, which isn’t true at all. There’s just a bunch of em (so it’s easy to group em) and they remind me of days in LA and my Isreali neighbors. Happy, loud, and not socally capable of knowing about how damn happy and loud they are. The kids move from English to Russian in mid sentence, it’s actually interesting how easily and fluidly they do it. It’s even more interesting what they say in English over Russian too. At the same time, I’m reminded how much kids make me feel uncomfortable too. Can’t relate at all these days to em and it’s actually the kids who don’t comprehend personal space. The adults have been fine about it, but having random kids bump into me is kind of un-nerving. Get off my damn lawn! Anyway

The cabin of course a huge mess right now. I am eating lunch (I brought food up with me in a cooler) and writing. I did take a quick shower and had to hang all my hiking clothes above the heater since they should dry (it’s now 85 deg in the cabin). I have 40 minutes till my massage, but I should head back in 20 so I can soak again. What to do though . . .
Second sandwich and some diet soda and a rewrite later and I’m ready to soak a little again since the swim suit is completely dry now. The rest of my clothing though . . .

Two hours later and I need a nap. The massage was fine, to fantastic, but fine. It’s not very often I have any massage therapy, but it’s always decent when I do get it done. If I made decent money I’d do it a lot more often to say the least. My body isn’t terrible limber to begin with so it’s wonderful when I do have it done. After that was another hour of jumping in the 104 deg pool and the 62deg pool. Absolutely wonderful stuff. The coldis shock at first, but then you just swim in it and keep moving. The best is that the big pool is basically unused and nearly pure too (can’t taste any clorine so far). I can go into the deep end and do underwater jumping jacks for 5 minutes and not bother a soul. Then it’s back to the heated 104 pool, which is a real shock to your system, I get tingly all over from it. Once I’m acclimated, it’s back to the cool pool again for calisthenics! The nice thing too was that for this hour, I had very little of the Russians, they finally pruned from what I could tell. I had two Japanese couples this time. Happy, soft spoken and understand personal space. Hell yes! Now if my nose would stop running, then again I’d probably just smell the sulfur and get sick.

Tuesday

I’m on vacation. Or something close. I drove 9 hours today to get to the upper north end of the Olympic peninsula for 3 days of hiking and R&R. The drive up was nice, I stopped in Astoria, then across the river at an old military base to hike around. 3 hours later I was up on the peninsula and hit the beach too. It’s been raining off and on all day, but it’s what I wanted and expected. I finally made my way to the Sol Duc hotspring resort. With my stay, I get to use the three hot spring mineral pools. Oddly enough, I booked this place not knowing that my parents had stayed her nearly 48+ years ago as a part of their honeymoon. So far, I have mixed feeling about the place. First, too family orientated. I didn’t expect hook up here or anything, but too many kids. Honestly, too many. Also, the pools close at 8pm. I knew this, so came with the computer, some netflix and some scotch (I knew no internet too, one reason I took this R&R break). The big pool had a three generations of some Russian family in it too. No matter where I sat, they kept migrating around the pool as a whole and I’d have stranger talking in Russian all around me. My WASP sense of space kept kicking in too. Give me some space people! The 100 degree pool was just OK, I really want hotter, but the 104 pool was closed (they close each pool for an hour each day to test em for bacteria).

On a completely different note, I’m sitting here typing away, I need to step away for a moment and brush my teeth. For the last week I know I’ve needed a haircut. So looking in the mirror I was once again reminded that I need a haircut, how do I know? Since the top of head has been thinning a bit, it means that when the sides and back have gotten long, I tend to look like bozo the clown, not really since I’m not redheaded and my hair doesn’t stick out like that. Anyway, tonight my hair it rather curly, I haven’t kept my hair this long since I was teenager and my Irish loque of hair would start to curl.

Umm scotch.

So this evening it was hot bath, some food I brought along, the second half of the first season of “Belle De Joure/Secret Diary of a Call Girl (Showtime). Not bad, funny at times and such, but the main character/actress isn’t really that hot to me. So no wank fest either! I did read 5 chapters for one of my classes and some scotch too. Didn’t read it, just drank it. I hope it helps me fall asleep I hate to say since I keep going to sleep later and later it’s been hard for me to go to sleep this early (11pmish). Good I hear it’s started to rain again, I’ll open the window a bit more to cool down the room and so I can hear it some more. Anyway, the flask is about 60% full and I need the rest for tomorrow night. So Night.

Umm scotch . . .

Catching Up

Up till today: so I haven’t been keeping up on this. Sorry. The only thing really going on has been school. I currently have two classes and one met last week. It’s currently boring me I hate to say and I’m only just keeping up with it. The second class has been online, less credits and nearly twice the work. I’ve been keeping up with it. Job wise, I had a pre-interview with a place just outside of NYC. They current don’t have a an open position, but they are looking for an archivist as a whole. I’ll know more in January when the position should come up.

This week: well actually nearly three weeks ago my mom had very minor surgery on her foot for a bone spur. As of yesterday it hadn’t healed. It hadn’t healed because the bone in the big toe is dead and keep re-infecting everything. So I took her to the local hospital for second surgery last night (Monday). She wasn’t in the best of spirits of course and as she told me I almost giggled. Not because it was funny or I was making fun of her, mostly to deal with the situation. She’s a bit of a pessimist and tend to want to laugh at real pessimism I hate to say. I’m a gloomy guy, but honestly pessimism never got anywhere, right? When it comes to health, it’s OK to worry about the worst, but don’t dig that hole so deep you can’t get out. I tried being encouraging, but it’s my mom here and she knows when I try to bull shit her. She’s going to lose her big toe at this point and hopefully she won’t also lose her foot. She’ll be there till Friday. Ill know more then, mostly because I’m not in town right now. OK, vacattion time (more to post later)

Week 1

Now that I'm a full time grad student again, I have some time to write in here again.
This week was about writing to boot, for the first time in three years I had to deal with my resume and do a new cover letter. Both needed a complete rewrite from nearly zero as resume that I did have was built with the entertainment work in mind. This time around, it's with proper libraries in mind. On monday I started doing some research and found an opening at a local art college, but the post was nearly a month old, so some more research was drafted and writing began. The resume was the easy part, the cover letter no so much. I really couldn't use any of old work/cover letters as the skill set was much different, also in a library work they want to know the details differently from what I've picked up. It's not about over all experience, it's about specific details in your experience if that makes sense. Anyway, it took me two days to come up with a decent draft, fortunitly for me I had a couple of folks do some serious proof reading for me.

Resume and cover letter went out on Thursday, but it looks like I might have missed the boat on the position since it's no longer up on the job sight. Oh well, or maybe I'll hear in a week or so. At least I know if I don't hear anything soon the job has passed me by.

At the same time, I load of school work to do. Ten chapters reading for one class and 5 for another plus a couple of articles. Not that bad, but I can't say the the first bit stayed in my head too well. I'll need to revisit that 10 chapter reading again. Take home open book test this mornign too. Not bad, but not perfect either. Thus why I know I need to go over some of that reading again.

Lunch with a friend who also now has new time on his hands. We reminded about work and what our plans are. Should have lunch again in a week or two. Checked in on the rents a couple of times too since mom has been sick. Sick isn't the right word since she isn't sick, but injured is closer to the point. Ran some errends and cleaned out the garage again for me. Took no longer then an afternoon. ALso gave mom her birthday present yesturday, which was 5 days later. Ugh. 3 weeks ago I ordered a 1st edition of " The Recently Deflowered Girl The Right Thing to Say on Every Dubious Occasion " - the book sellers completely fucked up the order and it only arrived on Wednessday, of course I had to go into the former work to get it though. Not a bad experiance since I wasn't at work when the shit hit the fan last week and I wasn't able to say good bye to anyone. I had one co-worker come up and ask "are you here to work" I shook my head and big look of disappointment come to his face. I hate to say that I know some folks will miss me and the work I did. But I'm glad to be gone and onto other things that will be more important to me in the long run. Anyway, the book was actually disappointing. Partually since I dropped a good deal of money on it, but I was expecting far more wit from the writer. Richard Gorey's work was good, but not outstanding either. Mom seemed to like it though. WHich was good.

I actually go into this weekend with little to do, other then the weekly laundry. Trying to plan some day trips for next week. And back to some architectural photography if I can.

Laid Off

Hi all,

I was just laid off. If you couldn't tell from some of the earlier blogs I've been expecting this. I won't go into details about it, but I'm relived. I should be getting a very good package so I' find money wise. I can finally finish grad school too. I actually feel good about this.

I am seriously tired

of stupid women. Ya, their easy, but their also vacuum where nothing stays or comes out of.
No thanks.

I Feel

that life is wandering away, but in slow motion. I am very aware of where I am right now and where I should be and to a very limited extent, where I could be in the coming year. But beyond that, it's really cloudy. When I look down the road I can actually see that I'm going to finish grad school for instance. But then what? Our job market sucks and I wonder about long term employment where I am at too. The job market right now is pretty shitty and is it going to get better by then? I guess I'm feeling pessimistic at heart. I've seen many of the folks I used to work with have been unemployed for nearly 9 months and wonder how they are keeping afloat. Not just financially, but emotionally too. Most of them I think will move away from here as a whole to where they will find work. Will I have to as well?
Anyway, that's how I feel right now.

So I can Currently Hear . . .

one of my coworkers spending a leisurely amount of time on the phone right now.
Mostly this person is complaining and making fun of a fellow coworker who called in sick this morning. The person in question got fairly trashed last night at coworker's going away party.

Why is this getting on my nerves this morning? It's not like I haven't done my fair share of shit talking. None the less, it's getting on my nerves. I think it's because the person in question spends in inordinate amount of time shit talking there felling employees. I can't think of a conversation where they don't do it, of course just in jest.

Anyway, rant off.

Writing

I know I've posted in the past the troubles I've had writing again. The dyslexia and the long gap between my undergrad days and my now grad days haven't helped much. I used to able to write a 10+ paper (1st draft that is) in a night. Now these seem to take a week or two. Odlly enough though I had a report to write this week and I did 4 pages easily in just over an hour. Now for me, a report is simply laying out my notes of what I did for the last two nights (follow around a reference librarian) and report on what occurred. Damn simply stuff plus I took pretty good notes. But I guess what writing I have done over the years sine leaving school have been more on the report side then on the paper side. So maybe my writing isn't as retarded as I feel it is at times. But I still have another year of this, so who knows.

Those Same Mistakes . . .

I've started dating a republican again.
What is wrong with me?
I don't need to get laid this badly, or do I?
I know they are all batshit crazy.
What is it about me that female republicans like to begin with?
Honestly I've done this before, and I'm sure to do it again, but every time I have to ask them, why?
Of course I ask this at the end and at that point you just get that hateful answer instead of real one.

Anyway, that is all for the moment at least.

Mike Leigh

(be ready for some rambling) I've just finished Mike Leigh's "Happy go Lucky". It's been a number of years since I've seen a Mike Leigh film to boot since "Topsy Turvy" was such a piece of crap. Anyway . . .

Mike Leigh films are one of my guilty pleasures in a way. At the same time I wish I could say that his films tend to be fantastic, but they are not. They tend to be very good in some ways, but not across the board so to say. Visually speaking, they tend to flat, very flat. The situations can be we bit over the top, but at least not in soap opera way. The writing can be hit or miss, as can the casting/acting. But they tend to eb and flow to the writing/directing and acting as well.
For the most part, you'll find they are very very character driven, and the action comes from the situation, but not in visual sense, but the action and reaction to situation. Which on the surface tends come across as self indulgent actor films. Which can be some of the worst shit to sit threw if you ask me. Anyway, when Mike get's it right, the characters connect to you emotionally and as such, you're drawn in and what should be a crappy films isn't. In a nut shell at least!

Anyway, need to peee. Night!

MMMB

Sorry, it's been a while since I've posted.

I've basically been sick for the last month, starting with really heavy levels of hay fever, followed by a cold and then nasal infection. All the time, my nose has runneth over. It also basically ruined any chances I had with Leslie. Nice woman I have to say. Anyway this started out nice and fun, but the last two dates we went on I couldn't be physical at all because I was sick. I shoudl ahve killed the dates before even starting, but didn't. Nothing like being sick when you're dating. Ugh.

That having been said, I can't say that I thought things would last beyond a month or two. Some chemistry, but not a lot. Our last date was boring, even without me blowing my nose, it was boring and it was boring for both of us from what I could tell. Anyway, I didn't expect this last because I can't keep my thoughts on her so to say. After two weeks I remember meeting some one else and being more interested in the new gal instead of her. The funny part of all of this, is that new gal I found out afterwards is gay. Great! Nothing lost here I guess, but more an insight into how I feel I guess.

On the Mind

This one is easy, it's the dog again. Mostly since we've been told at work that many of us will be moving back to Hillsboro over the next year. Ugh, I loath Hillsboro, and with us moving out that way for work, I'll lose the ability to bring a dog to work too. Of course I don't currently have a dog, but that isn't the point because I still find myself looking for one.

When IT Rains

it sure does pour.

Dear North West Portland Dbag Driver & Resident (22nd & Lovejoy NW Portland)

Nothing says, “I’m a Man” like yelling at pedestrian and flooring it.
I’m sorry if your Coke binge was affecting the fact that 2 cars had stopped in front of you for a stop sign at a hospital.

Maybe if you had stopped to say what you did after all, then I could respect you.
But instead, I just laughed my fat ass off at you. So OK, your coke binge has probably effected your memory at this point, so let me give what little a back-story I have on this incident.

Now I work in NW Portland, but I live in SE Portland. While I drive to work, I walk on local level, which means that for lunch, instead of getting in my car and clogging up the already over congested side streets of Northwest Portland, I walked. Hell I’m fat so it’s not like I didn’t need the exercise. And hell it was after 2pm to boot. Not even prime North West lunch time

Anyway, I’m walking down NW Lovejoy between 22nd and 21st. As a pedestrian I stepped between 2 parked cars and waited for traffic to stop, that being three cars had to stop for stop sign. Now you were in the third car in question so once you had stopped and made eye contact with you and stepped in front of your car. Sensing that you were in a hurry for your coke deal, I even trotted to get my fat ass out of your way.

Now once I reached the other side of the road and was ¼ the way down the road before you had the ahem chance to open your mouth. Now it was funny to start with because you fumbled form the moment you opened your mouth. The mumbled “Next time” was barely audible from your trembling lips. The remainder “I’ll cap your fat legs you little shit” was even more hilarious. Partially because this is the type line I would have expected from a 12 year old girl. After all, only yelling at a fat person about how fat they are, isn’t very original, it’s actually rather sad. But the actual funny part is that I’m just over 6 foot and weigh in at about 260. SO the “little shit” part had me giggling as I turned around to see you floor your car past the hospital.

So let me say now, what you didn’t have the chance to stick around and hear.
I’m sorry that as pedestrian, I have the right away, even on small residential street.
I’m sorry that I kept you from getting to that stop sign for one extra moment. No really I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you’re currently on some crappie coke too, a real cokehead would have stopped, thinking themselves grand an invincible. You on the other hand, floored it in your supped up Toyota or was Nissan? Hell, I would have had the chance to to also tell you that I was sorry I had to work in Northwest Portland to begin with. But this is where my employer is based I hate to say. After all I don’t have my parents or a trust fund like your bad ass self to live on while trying to make it as artist or musician.

And again, sorry for laughing at you. But let’s be honest here and let’s just blame this on your current coke binge and be friends. After all, I would have loved to found out who was selling that cheap crap.

Take care,

Fat-legged-little-ass

Dissconnected

not plugged in or connected to a power source; "the iron is disconnected"

This is how I feel right now. Disconnected, which I think has to do with school stress again.
I'm nearing the end of the semester and have most of my work done. Even at work I've been pretty productive, but I feel disconnected socially speaking. If that makes sense.

I'm sure it will pass. or I'll just keep spinning my wheels.

On the Mind

of all things, it's back to getting a dog. This has been on my mind all week for some reason.
I stil can't have a dog in this apartment. I still don't really have the over all time for one either. None the less, I have em on the mind. Why? Hmm I have feeling I know, but I don't.
At least I have huge st bernards crossed off at this point. A newfie would still rock, but I don't think I'd really ever find one. This time around, a collie or a collie mix for some reason.

OK, back to sleep

I Should be Writing

I had 2/3rds of this mess completed 2 weeks ago, the nothing but pure procrastination. I was going to start up again on this assigment this weekend and then lost my internet for the complete weekend. Hell I could still have writen something, but didn't. So this week I started again, rereading 2 articles and I only have one half completed. I should finish tonight, but I need to reread a different article for this weekend's class. Ugh, I brought this upon myself. At least this assigment isn't due for another week and half. But honeslty I should have had it done two weeks ago. When will I ever learn!

Too Much Info!

This goes along with yesterday's food poisoning post, so it might not be your cup of tea.

So made quesadilla's for dinner last night with a diet soda. This was my first solid food in about 36 hours.
I was hoping the cheddar cheese would help me bind up. No hotsauce was added though, because that would only make matter worse. Right?

Actually it played havoc on my internals. Not good or bad, just lots of noise and gas during the night. I'm a wee bit impacted down there to begin with, so what i have sprayed out is little painful, but nothing new. This morning it was all gas and nothing painful, so I drank water and skipped breakfast. I have a shit ton of work to compete so I was off to work.

I've had about 10 more glasses of water since and I have been soo damn hungry it isn't funny, plus the lack of caffine this morning has been killer. But they put muffins out about 15 minutes ago and I had one. Took me two bites and it was gone. Damn it tasted good. Now to feel what it's gonna do to me . . .

HuuuBlahhhhhh

OK, this is about having had food poisining, so if you think this might not be your cup of tea, stop reading now.

So something I ate on St Paddy's day made my sick, really sick. It started right after work while I was at the gym. I could feel my stomoch making some rumblings and could feel some light cramping. I finished up and spent some time with the squirts in the bathroom. Great, something I ate didn't agree with me. Home I went. No dinner for me, no drinking other then water. Why made this worse, right?
About two hours later I felt like shit, so I tried going to bed. Within 10 minutes I was spraying what was left of my lunch over my bed and bedroom. I made it to the bathroom where I expelled what ever was left and dry heaved for what felt like forever.

Of course one this happened, I shit my pants. Actually any time I felt any type of bowel movement, I shit my pants. Anyway, my bedroom was a complete disaster area. I tried cleaning it up, but lets be honest, when you're sick like this, being around puke isn't really the best thing you can do. SO I closed up my bedroom and tried going back to bed, but on my livingroom floor. No luck and I'm on and off the toleit for the next hour or two. Worst of all, all my blankets and sheets are well, not in useable state and I'm cold. So time to abondon my apartment and off to my rent's house. for the night.

Of course, it's about 1am now and rents are surprissed as hell that I've shown up. Great. Anway, I end up on thier couch, but I spent most of the night on the toliet. I think I have a perminant ring. Ugh. Even when I drink water to try and rehydrate, I need to squirt it out. Suffice to say, I didn't really sleep. Come 7am I snag on the rents wet vacume and I'm back to my apartment to try and clean up, call into work and find what needs to go to the cleaners. Some cleaning later and I'm back at the rents to crean up the spew all over my clothing, towels and sheets. But it's time for me to pass out. I haven't slept, Ihaven't eaten so I have no energy to speak of. I'm still waking up ever 30 minutes or so to squirt out what ever water I've had. Oh yum!

So back to the apartment after a nice nap and cleaning. More cleaning is needed here, but I'm in bed by 10 for a decent sleep. I only need to squirt maybe 3 times during the night. WOOHOO!

This morning I'm in bed till 10ish as a whole. No energy what so ever. The swets are fun too. More water, more quirts, but now I can pee too! WOOHOO! So some soup later and I feel OK. This afternoon I try some solids, these being cheese to hope to get to bind up on me. Now I can hear my bowels in full funk. Maybe I was too quick, oh well.

More Rambling from the Rain

Ramble #1: I look awesome in a Irish kilt (sapphire in color), but said kilt goes badly with any dark shades of green. Thus, I didn't wear it for today, I did bring a flask of Jameson to work though. SO if you're thirsty, let me know.

Ramble #2: If I need to bring maquettes from LJC to Pettygrove it will rain. Every single time. Be preparied to deal with said rain concerning maquettes since water and their paint don't mix too well.

Ramble #3: It will rarely rain when you go to lunch, but will rain when you walk back to work. I'm OK with this. A little rain never hurts and I tend to let my mind wander a bit when it does. Mostly teh same stuff as Monday's post. Where I am and where I'd like to be, though I wish I could get some other stuff off my mind too. That and I found out how hidiously expensive the condo's just north of work are. Just under $500,000 for a two bedroom condo. HELLO! That's about $300,000 stupid if you ask me. Odlly enough though when I walked by the town houses across the street from work, a big old dog came out to greet me. Nice older Labradore mix from what I could tell. Though she locked herself out it turns out because she's afraid of vacume cleaner. I had to knock and ring the bell quite a number of times to get the owner's to come and claim their dog.

OK, rambling off.

Get Used To it!

Walking in the rain that is. I used to do this as often as possible back in LA, but it so rarely rains, that it tends to kind of fun and special when you can do it.
Of course here in Portland, it rains quite often, so you kind of get used to do it. I'm reminded of this due to having been rained on due to lunch. No biggy, my balding scalp/thinning hairline can take it, and my wet shoulders can too. My feet are still dry but a little cold. My shoulders are more creaky then they used to be though and neck is stiff too from sitting in front of a computer for too long. Oh what a life I have these days! So I'm getting more and more used to the rain as the years go by and the older I get. I am actually fine with my age, my balding head, graying temples and what not. I'm finally at place that I can start looking into the future per say. For a the last 6 years or so, all I could think about was today and yesterday. Work had a lot to do with it I think. I'm not as mad at the world these days either. Though I find myself getting dumber, the older I get!

For instance, I thought I had class this weekend, only to find out well, it was another 2 weeks from now and that paper/project I was working on, isn't due for another 3 weeks. Another dyslexic moment for today was adding the keyword "Duck" but entering in the word "fuck". It's fixed now at least. But see what I mean about getting dumber as I grow older?

Anyway, the walk back to work in the rain was nice. Good time to think about little things I think. Nothing big, I usually leave that for when I go to bed, so I sleep as badly as possible these days. School has had me nervous as usual, but it looks like I am well ahead these days, instead of "just on time". Wheeew! Any other real thoughts seem to go back to the normal old guy things at least. Though not as dirty as you might imagine. Mostly domestic stuff, or lack there of these days. Though I actually have some time for that these days. Oh well

OK, that should be enough of rambling.

Frustration

I feel frustrated right now. Why, because I am a crappy writer. Earlier in the week I got some feed back on a previous paper and was told it was crap. Plus I spent the day trying to start a new paper. I've rewritten the first two pages multiple times and hate it. I hate what I write. Despite taking great notes and writing up a decent outline, it's been crap writing. If I could just tell what I know about what I'm writing about, the discussion would be good, cohesive and intelligent. But that's part of the problem in my writing. I try to write as a speak, and as I was told earlier this week, that's just not graduate level writing.

Mostly my writing these days feels very disconnected ideas between ideas. Furthermore my sentences that lack any flow. Thus the rewriting and rewriting. It's making some sense now, but I need to rewrite the last two paragraphs again and it just frustrates me.

Now I've always hated writing, but I used to be able to write far better then I currently do. Even with the dyslexia, I was far more cohesive. I still had typoes and bad spelling due the dyslexia, but these days, it's simply bad. I'm also tired f my bad and sloppy typing. I know how to spell at a OK rate, but I find myself making far more typing mistakes then actual dyslexic bad spelling. "teh" being one of the most commen of course.

Anyway, back to the grind.

In The Way

I think it's some of left over LA driving needs or retardness speaking at this point, but this mornings drive to work was one of those "Get the FUck Out of the Way" types of mornings.

I could not for the life of me make a left hand turn. Constant traffic backing up to the point where you can't turn. Of course then you turn right and try to left hand it further back, only to have some dumbass block the intersection. OK so finally I'm able to go the right right way down Burnside. Once I'm over the bridge I stick to the left lane, mainly because folks stop traffic to turn left too often. Of course today I get stuck behind the guy who thinks that the speed limit is 20 mph. Oh ya, I notice that no one is turning right in the right lane for blacks now. Of course as soon as I move back into the right lane, I'm behind some one who needs to make a complete stop to turn right. Finally I take my right on 22nd and literally a guy pulls out illegally in front of me and we nearly t-bone. Oh ya, I now have to follow this guy who wants to drive at 20 mph. Finally I can turn on Pettygrove and I get a big rid in front of me till I get to work. Thank you friday and fuck you too.

Oh Gosh

I'd like to talk about work again, but not for now.
All I can say is that at times it makes me feel melancholy.
I spent part of last weekend stripping the paint off of some theater chairs.
Lunch at the cafeteria is awful and will be avoided.
i'm moody, but not in a that tie of the month type of way.
The gym is making me feel stiff, and not in a good way.
Triscuits taste salty these days.
I should head ot the coast this weekend.
Xmass brought some fun in the snow, and some bordom to boot.
I like being back at work, but again, it makes me feel melancholy too.
People who don't pull over for Ambulances and Firetrucks make want to violent.
Finding old work photos was fun, but I'm over it.
And at least I don't sell usd cars for a living.
Boring Sidney Boring. That's how I feel.

Happy New Year!

And I'll add, tequila is evil. Quite evil!