Dear North West Portland Dbag Driver & Resident (22nd & Lovejoy NW Portland)

Nothing says, “I’m a Man” like yelling at pedestrian and flooring it.
I’m sorry if your Coke binge was affecting the fact that 2 cars had stopped in front of you for a stop sign at a hospital.

Maybe if you had stopped to say what you did after all, then I could respect you.
But instead, I just laughed my fat ass off at you. So OK, your coke binge has probably effected your memory at this point, so let me give what little a back-story I have on this incident.

Now I work in NW Portland, but I live in SE Portland. While I drive to work, I walk on local level, which means that for lunch, instead of getting in my car and clogging up the already over congested side streets of Northwest Portland, I walked. Hell I’m fat so it’s not like I didn’t need the exercise. And hell it was after 2pm to boot. Not even prime North West lunch time

Anyway, I’m walking down NW Lovejoy between 22nd and 21st. As a pedestrian I stepped between 2 parked cars and waited for traffic to stop, that being three cars had to stop for stop sign. Now you were in the third car in question so once you had stopped and made eye contact with you and stepped in front of your car. Sensing that you were in a hurry for your coke deal, I even trotted to get my fat ass out of your way.

Now once I reached the other side of the road and was ¼ the way down the road before you had the ahem chance to open your mouth. Now it was funny to start with because you fumbled form the moment you opened your mouth. The mumbled “Next time” was barely audible from your trembling lips. The remainder “I’ll cap your fat legs you little shit” was even more hilarious. Partially because this is the type line I would have expected from a 12 year old girl. After all, only yelling at a fat person about how fat they are, isn’t very original, it’s actually rather sad. But the actual funny part is that I’m just over 6 foot and weigh in at about 260. SO the “little shit” part had me giggling as I turned around to see you floor your car past the hospital.

So let me say now, what you didn’t have the chance to stick around and hear.
I’m sorry that as pedestrian, I have the right away, even on small residential street.
I’m sorry that I kept you from getting to that stop sign for one extra moment. No really I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you’re currently on some crappie coke too, a real cokehead would have stopped, thinking themselves grand an invincible. You on the other hand, floored it in your supped up Toyota or was Nissan? Hell, I would have had the chance to to also tell you that I was sorry I had to work in Northwest Portland to begin with. But this is where my employer is based I hate to say. After all I don’t have my parents or a trust fund like your bad ass self to live on while trying to make it as artist or musician.

And again, sorry for laughing at you. But let’s be honest here and let’s just blame this on your current coke binge and be friends. After all, I would have loved to found out who was selling that cheap crap.

Take care,

Fat-legged-little-ass