Year End

It's the last day of the year and this is where things stand for me.

Just over 3 years ago I moved to Portland to leave LA and leave a job that was making me miserable. For the first 6 months I was here, my moods was up and down. I loved being here and suck, but the lack of work and purpose in my life took a toll on me too. I really felt I was spinning in place and not accomplishing anything. Then, I landed a job and started grad school. I was happy working again and meeting new people, and then school, again new people and new things to learn. But within months I was overwhelmed both physically and mentally. I stopped seeing friends and became a hermit. Work was 50+ hours a week and school work was what I could fit in. My weight went up and my moods became short and irritated. Worst of all was the over the over all stress. My social skills actually plummeted too. I couldn't tell you one thing that was actually stressing me, the job it self wasn't really hard, but the time was. School was too.

Over the next year, things had to change. I went from full time school to part time. I was promoted at work too. Then I witched jobs, from what that at times's bored me to one that interested me. Things began to settle down, 40 hour work weeks and part time school agreed with me and I could actually go and do things again. But I still tended to play the part of a hermit as my social skills were still rough and my moods never really flattened.

The year started out good, the company I worked for was finally finishing it's film and my work would start to peak. I spent months building a 40,000 digital picture archive and working on the crew's portfolios. I handled it and was ready for more. But things at work changed with new management and I found myself on the outside again. This November, I and 70 others were let go. I saw my part in this coming and for a while I hate to say and could feel my moods slip in to anger and depression too often. I was actually relieved when it happened. I wasn't happy and it was time to go, I ended up with a decent package and could go back to school full time again and be done with it.

So how do I feel now? I feel like I'm spinning my wheels again. School has actually been rather easy and I hate to say it boring too. I'm bored really easily these days. I feel like I want to be done and moving forward with my life too. This is feeling that most people I know are feeling here in Portland. So I know I'm not alone, I hear it from friends who have spent more then a year unemployed and are in a real bind in comparison to me. Honestly I know I have it much better then most, so I don't want to play to the pity train. Honestly there is far more deserving and needing here. On the other hand I down and out too. I want out of this, I actually now want out of Portland too.

OK, have a great new year and hopefully next year won't be so filled with all the crap that this year dumped on it.