I AM . . .

. . . trying to self motivate. I've been letting myself go and keep letting myself find the path with the least resistance. When I do hunker down and fight it out, it's over the wrong things or fighting with retards. I can't keep doing that much anymore, mainly for my own sanity. I'm finding that getting by isn't going to cut it so to say. I need to get some direction back into my life and stop just coasting. Well maybe coasting isn't quite the right word here. But I've had a hard time looking at the future so to say. Actually it's been years since I've been able to look at my life and see where I think I'll be 2-3 years down the road. When I first moved to Portland I could think this way. It was easy actually. I wanted to give up and get away from old job and work and position myself to move on to the next stage of my life. I knew for instance I'd be spending the next 2-3 years learning. No daunting task. I wanted to learn, I wanted to move forward since felt my life wasn't moving forward. School was means of moving forward after all and looking forward was easy. I wasn't sure about afterwards, but I was OK with that. But after working and getting bogged down in school it was hard to think that way. Work really became hardship when you work 50-60 hour week and try to keep up with school work. It lightened when I switched jobs, but the job which should have been perfect had no real direction. Many of the folks I was in school with were actually jelious, but I could tell quickly that it was directionless. My boss was kind of cluesless about what wanted from the position and I couldn't see that I wanted to move up the ladder either. Too much politicking too. I was actually happy to leave and finish up school. But fter school it became worse. Finding local work was difficult to say the least and I ended up going with my back up plan. I super happy with that decision actually. It helped me get out of psychological hole I was in at the time. I needed space, distance and change. I got them, but I've found another hole that I've been happy to hide in for much of the last year. I'm thankful for the job, but I know it's time to leave this hole and head back or really forward with my life again.

Vacation?

We had the last week off from work, as such I did shit. Actually spent far too much time trying to find a used kayak. The bay being the bay really needs to be explored via the water from time to time. So for 4 days I spent way too much time trolling craiglist and other places looking for a kayak. No luck. I did find a decent deal on a older rowing scull. And being the dummy that I am, I bought it. I partially bought it because I know it's actually going to give me a better work out then a kayak will. Really, what the hell was I thinking? well day one on the water and I was reminded why I stopped rowing. It's boring. You can't take it into a lot of places either. It's a pain to store and Ugh, stupid me. I'm now trying to sell it.

My other thing was small trip up north to the Vichy Mineral Springs. 3 days of soaking and hiking.

OK, now to try and get rid of that row boat . . .

Drama and Headache avoided

At least at this point. Seems I don't qualify under local 600 (stage), but might for local 700 (editorial). I've been told I will not be replaced if this is the case. Question really at this point is if I do have to join local 700, what do I qualify as?

Headaches and Drama . . .

So right before lunch our local union rep came a knockin. Seems one of my co-workers filed a reverence not against me, but that my position should be union (most likely 700 the editors guild). So what does this mean? Not sure at this point. But:

Worst Case:
Union wants me out to put a Union member in. Very very low possibility here.
Position goes union, but the production can't afford it, position eliminated.
Again very small chance here.

Most likely: per my employers I am part of production and not unionable on this show.
Lots of dumbness to ensue.

Possible: Possible bump in pay, but a more defined role. Meaning I have certain duties that I can do, and many that I can not. Do a number of jobs outside of defined work including scheduling (2nd AD) and some photography work. I suspect these quasi parts of my job could get eliminated. I'll be bored. Ugh.

I'm 99% sure I know who did it too. It's either a someone known for playing games, or it's our ahem, whoes a good friend and probobly thinking this is the right thing to do. I kind of wish they had asked me first.

Fun and frustration

Up until this evening this weekend has been fantastic.
Actually the last few weekends have been fantastic.
But tonight was frustrating.
MAybe too much of a good thing is always going to have a downside.
Actually it always will.
Anyway, fun weekend but a frustrating evening.

Love and Other Drugs

While it was kind of nice to see Anne's rack, this movie was a completely predictable and a bit of a bore.
Edward Zwick should return to his White Man burden of films and leave romantic comedy to those who are at least amusing.

An old reminder

today that is, of why I generally don't get involved with scooter girls.
Way, way too much drama