I hat this . . .

I hate blogging about the same things over and over again.
Mainly because I get sick of hearing myself whine.

Anyway, once again I find myself super frustrated about a couple of things. In the last month I've applied for two jobs locally that based off the descriptions I am super perfect for. Not over qualified, not under qualified. Really, perfect and so far I've heard zilch on either one. I could check with a friend about one, but I have a feeling it will just piss me off. The second one closed for applications last week, so I still might hear something in the next week or two. Or maybe not. Ugh, this frustrates me. I'm sure that in either case I'm not even in considerations because of my 10 months of unemployment or because I don't have an "In" at ether place. I'd hate to find out that they hired someone from within as well. Why the hell even post a position if you plan on stacking things so you can hire some from within?

ANyway, whining off.

Anxiety

My anxiety levels seem to have risen in the last couple of days as well as dips in my current depression levels. Both are magnified by my current employment and unemployment levels. I've had three rejection letters this week. Two of these I could care less about, mostly since I was way over qualified for the jobs in question and I knew I wasn't going to get an interview. The third I thought I was perfect for and was hoping for an interview. Ugh. Add to it all that I started an internship that I'm not really going to gain anything from other then update to my resume. Listing to my current co-workers isn't of much help either I hate to say. Talk was about landing library/archive work in the Portland area. The head of the small library I'm at indicated how he landed his current gig based on contact (ex-proff) from his undergrad days. My immediate coworker had been telling me how much she didn't know earlier in the day about archive and cataloging work to boot and then finished up the current conversation about having to better then everyone else to get work in town. Ugh.

Last night I met up with a bunch of folks I started the library program with, most had finished up the program last year and were only now (a year later) starting to find some work in and around the PNW. Ugh. Depressions levels drop.

I also started my last semester in the program this week. I suspect this is where most of my anxiety levels are coming from right now. For one of my classes I need to document what I feel I've learned from the program and I'm drawing lots of blanks I hate to say. Anxiety up. I'm also applying for jobs and had two come up in the last two weeks that I'm perfect for (note - these are not a part of the ones mentioned in paragraph 1). I've been writing and rewriting my resume all week and can't seem to really come up with a good combination resume and coverletter for either position. Anxiety and depression levels spike. Anyway, I'm back to resume for this evening and hope to have it down before hitting the sheet.

Night.

When Did life start feeling like such a blur?

Is it just me, or am I really as old I pretend to be these days? Part of my life seem to go by so quick I can't really focus on them, other parts are too much in focus. My eye doctor didn't say a damn thing the last time I saw him either.

Interview

So I just got back from an interview for an internship. About 15 minutes into the interview it hit me that I know more and have done more then the person I'll be working for. Fuck, I'm not really going to learn a damn thing and at best I'll be doing this keep my resume current.

Left Behind

My old work is starting to hire on a lot of folks for the next feature and oddly enough I'm feeling left behind for some odd reason. Part of me is thinking that I'm missing out on this. I have stories to live and tell in some respects that I can tell anyone about working on a film. The thing is that I really don't want to work on films. I haven't in years. I took the jobs I did with my last employer not because I wanted too, but because I needed too. I wanted to work, and when I worked the production I was miserable, in part because it sucked so much of my time and life away from me. I nearly kicked me out of grad school and I never had time to do anything including work, school or even keeping up with friends and family. I was bored in my first position to boot. I was snappy with sarcasm and quite an asshole at times too. When I landed my second gig at the same place, I was happy. I was going to do work I liked and wouldn't have to work 50+ hours a work. So things settled down, I finally had some time and wasn't really any happier to be honest. Why? The place wasn't interested in my work at all. I was bored again and didn't like the place I worked at. Honestly for the last 3 years I feel like I've been spinning my wheels in place and not moving forward with life. Portland seriously has had that effect on me as a whole too. If I can find work some place else I'll be happy to leave I hate to say.

Months ago when I dealing with that animation company in NYC, I was really looking forward to the change in life. I had always not wanted to work let alone live in NYC, but I've been craving change and NYC might have been perfect. Who knows.

ANyway, I wish the new crew on the new film Laika the best.

Working it OUt

I woke up with some painful feet today. Yesterday I spent the day doing lighting work on a low budget short for some former co-workers. I didn't actually work very hard but spent the better part of the day on my feet, as such they ache a good deal today. Anyway, things seemed to go well other then normal things. We finished up with

This afternoon I went to pick up all the lighting equipment and had a chance to see the rough cut. Gotta say, good luck.

Parts

So as I think most of you know I've been building a lambretta for the last couple of months. Most of the parts for it I already owned or tried my best to buy locally. In a couple of cases I've had to order from one of a handful of shops here in the US. Oddly at the top of my list has been Scooters Originali out of New Jersey. If you had asked me a couple of years ago about their mail order business I would not have ranked them that high. At this point, very top notch. My second choice has been Casa Lambretta, very good mail order services but at times pricey even with the %5 discount (via Lambretta Club USA). At the bottom of my list these days is West Coast Lambretta Works. They used to be second choice, right behind Casa, but now they are rock bottom. Three weeks ago I made an order online and got an email indicated they got my order. Then, nothing. A week goes by and I email em. Nothing, I check the website and it indicates I made the order 4 days after I actually made it. So last week I email again with all the relevant info and again nothing. Not wanting to make a stink I called today and asked about my order and it was crickets. They had to look it up and I got some sob story about being down one person. Giermo (SP?) said he'd call me back in an hour with an update on my order. Guess what it's been 6 hours. Time to call and cancel my order.