Tis the Season . . .

December is upon us again and like many, this time of the year I tend either to be sick, depressed on some occasions, sick and depressed. I've been this way most of my life this time of the year between Thanksgiving and the new year. This year, lots going on, but not enough going on either. (note, this is long and full of self righteous drivel)

This year has been a duzy of course, having lost my job just over a year ago. I've never been unemployed this long in my life. I can't see the end of the tunnel too well concerning work, and as depressing as this is, I still have it much better then most folks. I have friends who have been unemployed for more then 2 years now. The tunnel is most respects has closed and I can't fanthum how they are handling it. Yet, it still depresses me.

Grad school is technically done too. I've spent the last year taking classes and really wondering if this is what I should be doing. Actually in theory it was the best thing I could do. I remember just over a year ago deeply hoping to be laid off so I could more easily finish school. I think I waned grad school to liberate me from where I was. It hasn't. For instance I spent the last three months doing a practicum at a local art school library working with a former classmate of mine. She's been working there for the last year and half on a part time basis, and they still won't make her full time. I worked my ass off knowing their was no way I'd have a chance to getting hired on. Now add two more classes and this last semester has been fully stressed out event for me. My neck has been stiff and hurting most of that time from the stress and burn out. I stopped hitting the gym as I couldn't always find the time and then easily wouldn't make the time to go. My pressure based eating hasn't been easy either and of course I've ballooned in weight too. Much of normal clothing isn't fitting too well either. ugh.

Anyway, I started back at the gym last week at least. I've mostly been hitting the walking machine to get my muscles working again. I tried using the stair climber, but I nearly blew my knee out on it. I'll wait a another week or two before hitting it. I started swimming again too (by start I mean, literally just yesterday). I have a nice big hole to get myself out of concerning my health right now too.

What else, I have a birthday coming up in a couple of days. No thanks, I'd almost prefer to skip it this year. I think I've told the family no celebration for me. I blew off going out to a combined December birthday party on Friday too. Again no thanks. This depression makes my social skills nearly non-existent. The only cure for this is working on my social skills, but most of the time I either don't want to discuss or if I do, it's toward more depressing topics. Both make me feel like dead weight most of the time where I force myself to be social. Most folks pick up on this quickly too, and I can tell some of are avoiding me because of it. I don't blame em. I rarely find myself that amusing, fun or even informative to be around most for more then an hour at a time.

Anyway, the last three months has been killer on my psychy. I've been irritable and irritated to no end. For one class it's been killer on me since the proff is complete shit head who has yet to post any grades for the class. I have no idea what so ever how I've been doing in it either. Emails with him have not answered most of my questions, so I tried planning for the worst and did about 3x the amount of work I would normally have done (and would note, 3x what the rest of the class has done as far as our major assignment). I also had to travel to Denver for this class and give a presentation, I over wrote it and rewrote it in class as I watched everyone else do their presentation. I cut about 60% out so I wasn't reading from a script either. Again no grade here, no idea how well I've done or even if I'm going to pass. I know I will, but fucker should have posted grades on at least the major assignment weeks ago, or at least presentation grades, since it's been 2-3 weeks since we did the fucking thing.

Anyway, I'm bored as shit now. I'm in my last week of unemployment under the current first extension too. in some ways it was nice to hear of the extension passing. Though I had prepared for this and put money away, I wished Obama had gone to the matt with the Republicans on this and taxes. Fuckers need to learn what happens when you don't compromise on this stuff if you ask me. SO it looks like I have another 6 months of unemployment possibly coming to me. I'd much rather have a job.

Anyway this is all for now. Happy Holidays.